Finding Your Core Values

Why it’s important to know your core values. 

There’s a difference between the things you value and your actual values. The former come and go. But your values can guide you throughout your life, no matter the situation. It’s a type of measuring stick: you feel out of alignment when you fail to live by your values, and you feel you’re in the flow when you take action every day to embody them.

Values are not “what we care about,” which is the definition that many people probably have. The thing is, what we care about changes every day and can change as fast as every minute, even common values, and that’s why it’s hard to agree on them. When a child throws a tantrum, you only care about getting some peace and quiet. When you’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic with an empty fuel tank, you care whether there’s a petrol station nearby. But these things are not your values.

Why? Because values are more forward-thinking than simply reactions to the immediate moment. They are attributes of the person you want to be.

For example, kindness as a core value would mean that I will try to embody that attribute every day. And if I’m kind to people, then I know I’m living according to my value of kindness. 

Money is not a value; it is a thing that can be valued, and there are many ways to get it. One way is doing a job and getting paid for it. Another way is mugging a guy who’s wearing an expensive watch. Only one of those methods is compatible with my value of kindness.

Here’s a simple test: If someone can take it away from you, it’s not one of your values.

Freedom of speech is certainly valuable, but it can be taken away from me under an oppressive government. Therefore, freedom of speech is not a value.

In contrast, I can value honesty, and it’s commonly shared across cultures. I can choose to embody honesty, or I can choose to lie to people. If I’m honest, I’m living according to my value of honesty.

Why is this distinction important? Because values are central to human flourishing. We need to define and understand our values if we want to live with personal integrity and live in alignment.

Learn your values by writing down all the words that resonate with you from the list below. Feel free to use any that are not listed.   

Here are some values that embody the core traits of the person you might want to be:

When making decisions, you’ll sometimes have to choose between solutions that could satisfy two different values. This is when you need to know which value is more important to you than the other one.

STEPS:

1. Write down your top values in a random order in one column.
2. Look at the first two values and ask yourself, “If I had to choose, which one is most important?”.
3. Place the most important one at the top of a new list.
4. Place the less important one lower down on the new list.
5. Now compare each of these to the next value on your values list.

Repeat this process until you have all your values in the correct order of importance, with one being the most important and ten being the least important.

You will find that some of these combine very easily. For instance, if you value enthusiasm, excitement and achievement, feeling a sense of achievement is one of your top values. 

Next, categorise values into related groups. This will help you condense the list to develop 1-3  core values. 

Try this exercise if you’re feeling a bit stuck in choosing your values

1. Start by thinking about a time when you felt truly fulfilled and content in your life. What were you doing, who were you with, and why did it make you feel that way?

2. Next, make a list of your personal values. These might include things like honesty, kindness, creativity or independence.

3.  Look at your list of values and compare them to the experience you thought of in step one. Which of your values were present in that experience?

 4. Now, imagine yourself in a different scenario. This time, you're in a situation where you feel completely unfulfilled and unhappy. What's happening, who's involved, and why do you feel that way?

5. Take another look at your list of values and consider which ones are missing in this scenario. What values would need to be present in order for you to feel content and fulfilled?

6. Reaffirm your values.

7. Check your top three values, and make sure they fit with your life and your vision for yourself and lifestyle.

And ask yourself;

Would you be comfortable and proud to tell your values to other people?

Do these values represent things that it is important for you to support, even if your choice makes you unpopular?

NOTE: If you want to have more than three final values, it’s entirely your call! But five is probably the most you should aim to have as living up to them needs to be manageable.

Finally, use this exercise to reflect on your life as a whole. Are your values aligned with the experiences that make you feel happy and fulfilled? If not, what changes can you make to ensure that your life is more in line with your values?